Didn't update my blog yesterday cuz I was so damn shagged after walking from City Hall to Raffles Place, then back to City Hall, and to Bugis, with Laibao. In fact I'm equally shagged today after watching ShangHai Knights till 11 and making my way home, but guess I'll take some time to write some shit here. Think I've further refined my twisted mindset recently, due to feedback from all my friends. Jan 2003 had been a very hellish month for me, due to bombards from friendship problems, family problems, my uncertainty in the future, fear of NS, etc. However, I've only begun to realize that most of my friends had been with me all along, trying to get a simple message across - Be Positive. Here are words from different people, but they mean the same thing:

Jeremy: "always look on the bright side of life, rem??"

Raymond: "Don't worry about it lah.."

Yiliang: "I'll cut the story short and tell you peeps how I live my life. I focus on the positive things in my life, even if I've had a fucked up day I come home and tell myself 'alright cool my WWE show is on tonight.' Or I'll just grab a drink, magazine and just chill out. And to keep my mind away from whatever problems I have, I'll just don't think about it and keep myself busy with stuffs." - Copied and pasted from his blog

Eddy: "kNs la be more optimistic and u'll be finee"

And lots more... So you see.. This is what everyone is trying to tell me, although they put it in different ways. Only since a few days ago, my mind has calmed due to the fear that if I continued raging on, Eddy would be through with me. Finally, with a calm mind, I could understand what everyone is trying to say and embrace that. And best of all, Yiliang had actually provided the steps to doing that, which made things really easier. I too, had also noticed recently that by being more positive, things would turn out better. Weird huh?..

Oh yeah, another thing which helped me alot in going through the recent trials is the song.. 'Tomorrow Never Knows' by Mr Children... Yes, it's the song which has inspired my new nick and everything. Maybe some of you who have heard it before (through me sending it to you) might think that it sucks, but take a look at the lyrics or it's translation and you'll understand. I'll explain what it means roughly:

"The song basically describes the feelings of a guy who has got a painful and regretful past whereby he does everything to get what he wants, ending up betraying his close friend for a woman. He lives his life with regrets, but could not make up for the things he had done in the past. Instead, all he could and should do is face the future with hope and confidence."

There were lots of times when I'm really vexed to the point of breakdown, but am just unable to cry out. However, crying out doesn't seem to be a problem when I'm looking at the lyrics and listening to the song at the same time. Tears would flow down from my eyes, but it often feels better after that. Merely listening to the song doesn't seem to have the same effect though.. =)

This blog entry is basically describing how I feel recently, rather that what I do. Though I do feel much better yesterday and today, there's still alot for me to do in order to feel happier and more contented in my everyday life. I'll try harder to change, and hope for a better tomorrow. Wish me luck =)..