Woke up at 7.45 today so I could go for the vocational assessment. When I reached there at 9 not many ppl were there, so I was waiting like hell. Until abt 10 9.45 den start. Saw Gabriel n Ray there. At first when I saw Ray didn't noe if it was really him anot, so I called to c if got reaction. Haha.. really him.. Aniwae, juz when the test was about to start, I told the people there that I've taken the test before last year, and only that my NS would be deferred to later this year. They said that since I've already taken it, no need to take again. So I was like abit pissed, cuz i woke up early juz for dis test, all sleepy, n now they said I could go.. after so much waiting!

It was 10am den, so I called Laibao n asked him if wanna go Bukit Timah Natural Reserve. He was okay with it, n I went to his hse to borrow a pair of shoes from him cuz I didn't wanna to get pricked by those damn twigs n hay when walking past Dairy Farm, which was wad happened the last time when I wore sandals.

Felt abit hungry when I reached Bukit Timah, so went into petrol station to scavage for some food to eat. I got a kiam tao loh ti at delifrance, cuz dat's the cheapest n biggest piece of food ard there. N can oso be used to whack monkeys in case they get too near.. haha

The moment I reached the foot of the hill, saw Allyn there. Was quite shocked.. First thing she said was 'eh.. nv go kayaking arh?'.. N i had to explain abt my hand injury story all over again.. sianzz.. Along the way up the hill, we saw 2 monkeys having sex RIGHT IN FRONT of us!! really.. it was less than 1 metre away.. i swear!! Laibao can be an alibi too.. wahaha..

our intended destination was supposed to be Macritchie Reservoir, but we somehow took the wrong path n ended up back at the visitor centre. but it was a great trip, cuz managed to spend our 2 hours there walking.. n we realized dat we were actually VERY near to our destination, juz dat we took the wrong turn..

i got stuck on a log overhanging a steep slope cuz the 2 of us were curious, n decided to walk on the log to see the rifle range. walking in one direction was easy, but the turning back part.. was dreadful.. if fall down, dunno where we'll end up.. but heng we managed to get out of the mess in the end, after some risk-taking n wobbly legs

after the mini-hike, laibao went back to ntuc to report for work, while i returned to bedok to see the sinseh for my hand treatment. he said i was making a fast recovery so need not cast my hand up liao.. instead, he prescribed mi with medicine. i asked him to prescribe some muscle-loosening medicine as well, so it could help in my race tmr.. haha

it's onli 7.30 now n i'm getting sleepy.. all thanx to mindef!! guess i'm going to sleep after my bath.. so tmr could wake up early n get ready for the race.

Hope Things Got Better

Decided to unblock Eddy from msn today to c wad he has to sae.. Hmm.. he really seemed very sorry abt the incident.. decided to give in on the condition dat he'd promise to open up to me juz like before.. tink feeling abit better now, but still got abit of doubt. Juz hope things will turn out better again. But i'm glad at least he took the effort to try to sort things out on my side, for 2 days.. And let's hope my blog will be more interesting after today..

Wanted to go cut hair at first, but decided to meet Raymond go eat mac instead, since so long nv c him liao. Now watching TV at his hse n updating my blog now.

Thanks to all my frens who gave mi advice n support, n helped mi thru these few days.. N those who simply bothered to read my blog too.

Damn sian day again... Worked on my photo album program until evening, den went down tampines to collect my camera headset.. took a bus to Eddy's hse n passed it to his dad, n asked his dad to pass to him. Didn't wan to see him.. Wished I had given him a tight slap, like wad his mum once told me "if he ever makes u very angry, make sure u give him a tight slap".

probably gone case liao.. cuz i really dun wish to talk to him. placed him on my MSN block list as well.. n placed him under silent profile in my hp..

sorry guys.. for the sucky attitude of my blog.. cuz i'm still in a very depressed state of mind.. can't tink properly..

Went west coast park in the day to rackie around, n took lots of pics n a video clip. will upload them when I feel like it. had a damn lousy nite.. i'm really so damn shagged today, i wish i could rest, but eddy's self-centered attitude has caused me to have to run all the way to his hse at ard 11, collect someting, n rush home again.. no mood to type the whole incident here.. n when i told him off for it, he actually scolded mi back on SMS.. in caps somemore.. i was so damn pissed, sad n disappointed wif him, i couldn't stop hurling vulgarities at him. i pointed him to read the 16th feb blog entry, i told him i wouldn't bother with him animore, i told him given up hope on him, n i told him i hate him.. i dunno if i said all dat cuz of anger, or whether dat's wad i really mean. but right now, all i can feel is i'm probably not going to be so nice to him animore.. i dun wan dis kind of selfish ppl as my fren.. n he's probably not going to feel even a pinch..

deep down inside i still feel the hurt.. cuz dis frenship is going dwn the drain now. finally, after such a long struggle.. lots of unfulfiled promises too.. he's no longer the caring n trustworthy fren i used to know.. the old Eddy is dead.. n i've lost my best fren.. i've always thought "ok, i can try to change him", but now i've got no more energy to go on.. i give up.. i juz wish i'm dead.. cuz the day i fear most is here..

probably going to ponder n cry myself to sleep tonite..

Woke up dis morning to find myself staring at the ceilings of Eddy's hse at ard 10am.. Still very sleepy, but had to leave soon or I'll be trapped alone in his house again if everyone goes out.. Went Mac for breakfast, den went back his hse gelek gelek a while taking 13 n 135 to c him to parkway, den walked to katong n took 12 home..

Upon reaching home, was so damn shagged, but decided to play some hp games wif my bro.. Bathed n went back to sleep...

Was woked up by a call from Mindef, asking me if I'd prefer to go into NS earlier or with the rest of the poly batch.. I chose the latter, of cuz.. Called Shaoqi to chat wif him awhile, den woke up to listen music n worked abit on my Photo Organizer program.

Still feeling so damn depressed abt yesterday's episode. Probably going to take a walk at east coast now..

Everything's Changed...

Initially wanted to go ubin, but tink abit boliao to go alone.. Was abt to go somewhere when laibao called n we decided to meet n go walk walk.. Went changi village n changi beach first, den went kallang watch some malay guys play skateboard.. Along the way, passed by a construction site.. I dunno y, but every time i c a construction site somehow i'll feel more hopeful abt my future.. Maybe cuz i'm somehow like the construction site.. Still in a mess but once everyting's done it'll be a bright future.. Aniwae, after dat, made my way to Eddy's hse to help him wif his wireless java test n prj..

usually i'd feel quite happy abt getting to help him out or wad, but today (or lately) i feel quite different.. I'm starting to ask myself if it's worth it.. If it's worth sacrificing my time n sleep 4 him, cuz he seems to be getting more n more selfish.. Even his mum oso complain abt his selfishness.. Cares onli abt himself more n more.. N more superficial now.. Getting less open wif mi.. N always tinks abt himself before others.. Dunno wad's up wif him and\or mi.. I still feel terribly disappointed wif him.. I've tried my best to gif him the best of everyting, gave him tings i dun even afford to gif myself, n dis is how he treats mi.. Sometimes i juz feel dat i'm starting to be his slave to him liao.. Loyal to him, but kenna mistreated in the end.. But yet, i still can't bring myself to heck care him, cuz i still wan to hold on to the last ray of hope, dat he will realize n change his own selfishness one day.. Or maybe, until someone can manage to help mi gain memories to replace those i've had wif Eddy.. Somehow i no longer enjoy his company as much as b4 liao.. N i feel damn painful abt it.. I'm rite at his house writing dis rite now, n i wish i can tell him straight, but i can't bring myself to do dat.. N i'm afraid he'll peek over the screen n c dis.. I'm such a coward.. N now I feel trapped in his hse.. I wish I can go home, unlike in the past whereby I really enjoyed my stay..

sometimes, when those close to me are feeling dwn or depressed or someting traumatizing happens to them, i'll feel dwn as well, firstly bcuz i hate to c them feeling unhappy, secondly bcuz i dunno how to help, n third, bcuz their problem is my problem.. I'll feel totally trapped, lost, painful n helpless.. Sometimes to the extent of teardrops.. But i always tell myself, the best way to help the person is to be there for him/her.. To encourage him on, n make him smile again.. Imagine.. If u urself are being dragged dwn as well, feeling lousy as well, how r u going to help or encourage dat person? So, be strong enuf so u r able to support dat person..

A Horrible One-Handed Day

My wrist injury yesterday seems to have gotten worse today, so I decided to go Ma Guang to see a sinseh... The sinseh told mi I couldn't do any streneous hand activity (including kayaking or weight-lifting) for 3 months!!! And wad's more, my wrist had to be put in a cast! Gosh.. The worst news is dat.. I asked the sinseh to check y my back is always so painful.. he did a chk n diagnosed it as a permanent back injury.. n said that the condition will deteriorate as i grow older.

Throughout the whole day, my mobility was hindered severely.. take bus wanna grab those bars wif my left hand oso cannot.. my hp normally put in left pocket.. den now haf to put in right pocket together wif my wallet.. bathing is the worse part.. I haf to wrap a plastic around to waterproof the cast, den left wif onli one hand to bathe wif.. N guess how i squeeze my toothpaste onto the toothbrush.. i actually held the toothbrush wif my mouth n squeeze the colgate wif the other hand.. oh yeah.. n wearing my shirt.. the cast was so damn big n rigid dat my left hand had trouble going through my shirt!

aniwae, for dinner, went to eat vegetarian buffet wif my aunt n uncle n cousin n mum n sis. looks like my cousin's doing better.. n her parents seems to haf learned from their mistakes of neglecting their child.. let's hope they wun need to visit the psychiatrist for some time now..

like as if a BUFFET dinner did not fill my stomach enuf, I met out wif Eddy for supper at Ho Kee Pau, den went nearby to eat beancurd n drink soya milk.. Sent him home as usual, den rush home to watch waterboys.. did not manage to catch the beginning, but at least I roughly understand wad was going on the rest of the show.

one of my worry is.. i might not be able to make it for the 5km race dis sun due to my injury.. i'm so damn worried i'll let Eddy n the rest of the team down.. i juz hope i'll get a replacement.. if not, i'll pit wad i haf..