Went Kayaking Today.. Shagged....

Nth much today.. Went kayaking at Changi, with Kayau n Zhihong. Zhihong was trying to practise his rolls cuz he wants to take his 3 star assessment on the 29th, so Kayau n I helped him by waiting to do eskimo bow rescues.. haha.. meanwhile I took the chance to practise my handrolls too. Damn funny.. I wanted to try a dry-hat roll using kayau's nose-clip but failed cuz my hands too short to reach his nose-clip from under the hull >=( Muz admit I had a gd laf too.. wahhahaha~ Kayaked to chek jawa, did TX rescues there, and kayaked back. So many big waves for us to surf along the way. Upon returning to the beachfront, we practised rolls. We psycho zhihong to try his pawlata roll first instead of struggling with his short-shaft roll, which really proved more effective.

Practised until 5, went back to the club to return tings n bathe.. hear mingteck nag as usual, den went home to continue restoring my phone book.. Wah liew.. Now my back hurts.. Long time nv carry kayak liao, n getting old at the same time.. Btw, my mum n sis are fighting again at this moment... ARGGHHH......

Finally Got My N-Gage!

Phew.. Today's an extremely hectic day, n not even time to get enuf stuff done, but a happy n fulfiling one.. Not cuz of N-Gage, but cuz I've had quite a good time with Eddy. Though slept at 6am last nite (cuz can't slp.. toss n turn ard the bed), woke up at 10am. Rushed down Bedok Interchange to meet Laibao immediately. First we tried going to Albert's shop to get my N-Gage, but it was out of stock. I die die oso muz get my N-Gage today, so we headed for Toa Payoh.

Over there, found myself a great deal for $488 after a tough bargain. Woohoo! Finally mine.. However, I wasn't really that eager to start using the N-Gage cuz no MMC card yet. We walked around TPY, until Laibao FINALLY managed to make up his mind not to trade-in his 6610. Laibao had to go back to TP to meet his project grp members, so I decided to accompany him to TP n at the same time go Tampines to upgrade software for my beloved 5100, which I'm going to gif Eddy.

The queue at the Nokia Care Centre was INCREDIBLY long, and I had to wait ard an hour for my turn. I began to panic, cuz I didn't knoe wad time Eddy wanted to meet me, and I haven even bought my MMC card yet! N it was already 3.45.. Right after I settled the Nokia stuff, I bolted back to the interchange, to where 23 was. Apparently, the bus has juz left, as there was NO ONE at the queue.. Sucks, I tot to myself, until...

My N-Gage rang for the 1st time, that I couldn't even recognize my ringtone. I got curious n looked at the screen, and that was how I knew I had a call. I picked it up.. "Hello? So u bought ur N-Gage?".. "Ya.. Err.. who is dis? I forgot to copy my fone book over..".. "Jia jia (my home bro) la!".. After some persuation, I was convinced that I'd rather save the time paying an extra $12 for my MMC card at bedok rather than go all the way to sim lim. Yeah, so I changed my mind n bolted back to Bedok instead.

Ok, now having my N-Gage n MMC card, I decided to go home to upload some MP3s into my N-Gage, but that was when Eddy called, n then, I had to RUSH back to tampines, to collect the 5100 n meet Eddy.. Upon reaching tampines, went to walk walk around wif Eddy to help him choose his fren's bday present. Den, went to collect the other hp from nokia care, n went to Eddy's hse for dinner.

Today happens to be Eddy's grandpa's Lunar birthday, so we celebrated for him with a cake Eddy's sis bought. Felt so heart-warming when I saw Eddy's grandpa smile, cuz I've not seen him smile for a long time since he fell n injured himself badly the other time. There was leftover cake, and I was invited to take another piece.. Eeks, fattening, but I had no choice as Eddy's parents placed another piece onto my plate, despite my protest.. Like as if that wasn't enuf, Eddy's sis's bf (xianming) came over n asked us out for supper.. Damn.. Diet plan failed again =(.. But we had a great but sadistic laugh over William Hung's failed attempt at trying to 'Bang' into the American Idols.

During supper, I tried very hard to control my appetite, but kindda failure in the end too.. =(.. Eddy's sis was totally excited about my N-Gage, n could not take her hands off it for a minute, admiring the wallpaper again n again. After finally being left with a few pieces of chee cheong fun, I volunteered to clear things up. Finally, Xianming n mi sent Eddy n his sis home, n I took bus 2 together wif him home (after all, he lives in the opposite block of mi only). Reached home at around 12.50. Was so damn surprised my mum did not call to chk if i'm still dead or alive..

n now is abt 3am liao.. tmr still got kayaking n i've yet to restore my fone book!

Ouch~ Had trouble walking the moment I woke up.. Toe injured. Tink muz be cuz yest jog too much. A boring day. So damn bored dat I actually took a bus all the way from my hse to Boon Lay, den Boon Lay to Toa Payoh, juz to kill time n enjoy the west-side scenery.

Once I touched-down at TPY, I strolled thru the thousands of handphone shops there, one by one. Found a good trade-in deal - 5100 or 6610 for $300! Dat's $100 more than wad they offer at Singtel shop! Browsed thru a few other shops, and found a 2nd-hand 7650 for $398.. woohoo.. I called Laibao immediately to announce that he can actually "upgrade" his 6610 to a 7650 for juz $98, making him REALLY excited to go TPY. And he made up his mind dat he would go tmr.. wahhaha.. Talk abt being a hp fanatic.. Oh ya.. I guess I was mad abt E700 cuz the gal in the ad looked sexy.. After tinking for very long I decided N-gage would suit mi more..

Prior to leaving TPY, I grabbed a cup of papaya soya milk from Mr Bean. Nice.. Dunno y I'm having cravings for soya milk lately. I decided to rush back to the interchange before sunset. Ray called n the 1st thing he said upon knowing i'm at TPY was "Wat??? U go there alone juz to walk walk?? You're getting more n more abnormal! U sianz den ask mi out or sth mah...".. Aniwae, I took 28 home, which was considerably longer than 31 or 26, cuz after all, I'm out to kill time..

Congratz to Ray for passing his bike prac3.. N good luck for the upcumming one.. I'll get my N-Gage tmr!!

But I'm still hurt..

Some Crap About My Frenship With Eddy

Since the nitemare I've had, I've been pondering.. Should I continue to hold on to Eddy as my best fren, or shd I juz heck-care him? With his heck-care, selfish attitude in terms of frens, I really felt that it wasn't worth it after all. He seldom gave encouragement or support whenever I'm down. He never really showed that he treasures the frenship. "If lose contact den lose contact loh.. I can always make new frens." That phrase which he said still hurts me badly whenever I tink about it.

However, on the other hand, both of us have gone through alot of experiences together, with some rather rare memories which can't be found elsewhere. Yes, lots and lots of happy memories. And we know each other like the back of our palms. This makes giving up hope on this frenship a pitiful thing.

Deep inside, it feels so painful whenever I consider treating him as juz a normal fren instead of the best fren dat's wif me all this time. I've worked hard to build the frenship up to what it is today. I've put in all the effort I can to earn his trust in me. If I give up, my efforts would be wasted, and the experiences we've had would juz become faded memories. After some consideration n encouragement from Jackson, another solution came. Why not I hold on and try to change him instead.. Let him see what true frenship is all about. I still have the energy to hold on, n the determination to go on. Yeah, determination.. The attribute that works wonders.. Hopefully I can touch him someday, by showing him that he's someone I really care about. Yeah, someday...

Let's hope someone will show me dat they care about me too...

N jackson.. u rock~.. =P wahahah..

But I'd like to be a hero for you, to reach a hand out to you when you stumble or fall - Hero (Mr. Children)

Who Wants to Be a 10-Millionaire??

I bought the Toto too! Wahaha... Let's c how I'd utilize this 10 million bucks:

• Give $3M to Eddy (if he's willing to accept)
• Give $100K to each of my gd frens - Ray, Aearon, Jeremy (the OCS one), Minghao, Laibao, Yongjian, Raymond, Gabriel, Mervyn (the Rock), Shaoqi, Jeremy (the 10-year frenship one), Weikang, Cecilia, and some other ppl who are worthy.. Willing to give out up to 3M. If still got left den I'll be a Santa Clause n fulfil ppl's wishlists, including Ray's motorbike or Jackson's new HP... wahahah.. or better still, like wad my dad said: "fling a stack of $50 out of the window"
• $100K for each of my parents and siblings (they might be my parents, but i love my frens equally. And what the hell can they do with so much money aniwae...)
• $2M earn interest in bank (copy Ray's idea.. wahahha)
• $1M to charity
• After giving to my family i still left $600K.. use to decorate my own room n buy stuff for myself loh. Maybe custom-make the dream phone i've always wanted. n take courses.

If someone happens to win it oso the prize will be divided right? I'll decrease the amount for each area proportionately.. WAhahahaha... I'm counting the milk before it spills.. or is dat chick?

My Jogging Session Today (Nothing Interesting...)

Whoa~ Juz came back from jogging, and managed to jog 4.8 - 4.9km at one shot! Though timing wasn't very good (around 30 mins), I was quite shocked I could actually accomplish the *feat*. The last time I jogged, which was 2 months ago, I couldn't even handle my 2.4km. Today, I was just jogging at my own pace, and at first I aimed for 2.4. When I reached the point, I thought "Ahh wad the hell.. Let's go for 3..", n so on. These sort of miracle juz scares me sometimes...

The Nitemare Is Back

I yelped in pain once again as the kick was delivered onto my shoulder. Following dat, another few blows landed on all parts of my body simultaneously. I could not scream dis time. My breath was already running short from my previous screams. I was lying curled up on the floor, cover not with garments, but with only wounds, bruises n my own blood. My lips were cracked and white due to dehydration.

"As long as u're willing to lay down ur life for him, u're bound to be tortured," said a low voice from nowhere. I slowly looked up, and thru my blurred vision was a black shadow blocking the light behind him. My body was getting numb, and I was gradually losing tune with the environment. It felt like I was going to leave the world any moment, but I didn't bother to resist. After that, all I could feel was a wave of strong emotions sweeping thru n choking my throat. I slowly opened my eyes, finding myself in my own room, looking back at reality thru the few drops of tears in my eyes.

"What is this all about?", you may ask. Ok, this is the nitemare I've been having for the 4th or 5th time. I'd juz find myself waking up in the morning, with my eyes wet. That dream might be trying to tell me that continuing to gif my loyalty to a certain person might cause myself pain n to suffer in the long run. Quite true, I've began to feel dis, dat's why I had the nitemares. I've changed myself too much, and lost myself for this person. He has disappointed me, n maybe even used me - I don't know. But bringing myself to heck-care him feels equally hurting as well. Plus, I've already made a promise.

The Harsh Reality of Growing Up

When I was still in my early teenage, I was eager to 'grow up', so I could own my own credit card, haf total freedom, gain more respect frm ppl, go to age-restricted areas like pubs or casinos, etc. I didn't really understand what people meant when they told me "Hey, you're lucky that you're still young". There were many plans, for the future, probably too many and too unrealistic.

As I progressed through my teenage, however, things started to change. Sure, it may mean more freedom, but along with dat freedom comes the harsh realities of life - responsibilities, conflicts, complexity. I realized that most of the plans for the future were just too impractical (for example, I've always thought that I wanted to be a scientist, until I found out that science isn't all about magnets or electric circuits). Slowly, each of my dreams were being ruled out one by one, until I've got no dream left. No hope, no plan, no insight of my future. Responsibilities, too, were setting in. I would be given a fixed sum of money daily and I had to plan carefully on how to go about utilizing it for my transports, bills, food, etc. There would be worries about overspending, or juz the sucky feeling about not having enough money to buy that cool-looking slingbag at Isetan. Above dat, we simply juz do not haf as much time to enjoy ourselves as well wif our frens, due to individual committments.

As part of growing up and moving into the social world, our materialistic desires became stronger too. The severity varies between different people, but the problem is still generally there. When you were still a kid, have you ever wanted a 'Timberland' brand on all your single pair of shoes or 'Billabong' on your schoolbag? Maybe yes, but the desire is not as strong rite? And juz we might be ambitious about toys in those days, the desire has shifted onto handphones now. In the midst of this, lust may set in as well, which could cause problems at times.

One of the worst problems of growing up is the growing pride in oneself, which leads to what was juz mentioned, as well as the following: pretendence, lies, backstabbing. Some people have to pretend and lie to cover up their weaknesses, cuz they are afraid of 'losing face'. Some even go to the extent of backstabbing their frens to gain things, often reputation or romance. Others simply lose their true selves in order to be socially accepted. The innocence and simplicity of the earlier days are no longer there.

Given the choice, I would rather live the simple, carefree, non-committed life, and stop there. But den again, it's not like I have a choice...

No Peace

Went swimming n orchard with Raymond today, den dinner with my dad. Half an hour upon reaching home, the horrible wails of my sis could be heard again. Yet another quarrel.. My sis vs my bro this time.

Even if it's a small thing like getting disconnected from the Internet cuz of a power surge due to my bro bathing, my sis and bro would quarrel as bitter enemies, sometimes to the extent of chasing down each other with deadly weapons such as knives or choppers. And worst of all, it's happening on almost a daily basis. And it would range on and on for hours. I know how bad it can be, as I've been stabbed by my sis with a scissors 10 years ago, and the scar is still here. Deciding to lock myself in my own room most time I'm at home, I look helplessly as the quarrels n fights continue. Oh ya, I have not mentioned that my parents quarrelled very badly earlier in the day as well.

Fights, between my bro n sis, mum n dad, sis n mum, sis n dad, bro n mum, mi and sis.. I don't feel like my family's really a family after all. We may live together, but how well can we tolerate each other or understand each other? Some of my frens may even have seen them in action before. And have I ever seen such a conflict in my fren's family before? No, I can say. Not that I've seen it. Maybe that's why I hunger for family love when I step out of my home. Just let me tell u, the feeling sux...

Thinking of Someone Whom I Shouldn't

Ya, Mervyn (not Mervyn Teo la!!) made use of me. He borrowed money from me and never returned it. He wanted me to lend him more money and he got pissed off just because I refused to. He wanted to sign up for a handphone plan under my name and when I refused, he stopped contacting me totally. But dunno y, I still tink about him. How is he doing? What's his new number? I wish I can regain contact with him, and sit around, drink and chat just like before, but why am I feeling this way towards this kind of ppl? Hmm.. maybe becuz I feel damn bad I refused to help him and suspect him instead. Or maybe my heart too soft. But after all he didn't earn my trust. Dunno la, miss den miss loh.. wad to do... Let's hope I will bump into him one day, so I can at least ask 'How are you bro?'

A Crazy Decision

Thru an email today, I found out that Eddy's taking part in the Leg N Paddle. I decided to join him as the runner, which means I have to run 5km at one go! I was aware of that, but I made up my mind anyway. Running is my worst field, only to be further worsened by my pathetic stamina which can barely handle half that distance under normal circumstances. It's a crazy decision, as I've said, "normal circumstances". It is still possible, and it's been proven. There were times where I could simply overcome my limit, by being in high morale or good mood that day. So, wish me luck, and hope that my mood wouldn't be affected that day.