Everything's Changed...

Initially wanted to go ubin, but tink abit boliao to go alone.. Was abt to go somewhere when laibao called n we decided to meet n go walk walk.. Went changi village n changi beach first, den went kallang watch some malay guys play skateboard.. Along the way, passed by a construction site.. I dunno y, but every time i c a construction site somehow i'll feel more hopeful abt my future.. Maybe cuz i'm somehow like the construction site.. Still in a mess but once everyting's done it'll be a bright future.. Aniwae, after dat, made my way to Eddy's hse to help him wif his wireless java test n prj..

usually i'd feel quite happy abt getting to help him out or wad, but today (or lately) i feel quite different.. I'm starting to ask myself if it's worth it.. If it's worth sacrificing my time n sleep 4 him, cuz he seems to be getting more n more selfish.. Even his mum oso complain abt his selfishness.. Cares onli abt himself more n more.. N more superficial now.. Getting less open wif mi.. N always tinks abt himself before others.. Dunno wad's up wif him and\or mi.. I still feel terribly disappointed wif him.. I've tried my best to gif him the best of everyting, gave him tings i dun even afford to gif myself, n dis is how he treats mi.. Sometimes i juz feel dat i'm starting to be his slave to him liao.. Loyal to him, but kenna mistreated in the end.. But yet, i still can't bring myself to heck care him, cuz i still wan to hold on to the last ray of hope, dat he will realize n change his own selfishness one day.. Or maybe, until someone can manage to help mi gain memories to replace those i've had wif Eddy.. Somehow i no longer enjoy his company as much as b4 liao.. N i feel damn painful abt it.. I'm rite at his house writing dis rite now, n i wish i can tell him straight, but i can't bring myself to do dat.. N i'm afraid he'll peek over the screen n c dis.. I'm such a coward.. N now I feel trapped in his hse.. I wish I can go home, unlike in the past whereby I really enjoyed my stay..

sometimes, when those close to me are feeling dwn or depressed or someting traumatizing happens to them, i'll feel dwn as well, firstly bcuz i hate to c them feeling unhappy, secondly bcuz i dunno how to help, n third, bcuz their problem is my problem.. I'll feel totally trapped, lost, painful n helpless.. Sometimes to the extent of teardrops.. But i always tell myself, the best way to help the person is to be there for him/her.. To encourage him on, n make him smile again.. Imagine.. If u urself are being dragged dwn as well, feeling lousy as well, how r u going to help or encourage dat person? So, be strong enuf so u r able to support dat person..