My Bleak Future

The more I tink abt the future, the more lonely I'll feel. Somehow I still feel so damn insecure. Dunno how many of my close friends will remain close, how many will disappear. N the so-called best friend Eddy juz refuses to give me an assurance that we'll still remain as close as we are now. So damn scared now.. So scared after I come out of NS everyone not close to me liao. Maybe cuz the past still haunts me. The past abt how mi n my close frens drifted apart. N the betrayals n backstabbing. N I dunno if I'll ever get the chance to relive certain gd memories I've had in the past. N to finish some undone business.

Will I ever find a true friend? What will I be working as? How will I be like? Will I ever start my own family? Whenever I ask myself these questions, my mind will go blank. Can't even get the vaguest idea.. Maybe I know the answer deep inside, juz dat I'm not willing to accept dat answer..

Right now, I'm juz waiting in fear n suspense. Waiting for a clue to my future. Waiting for a chance to relive my happy memories.. Waiting for a suitable gal.. Waiting for true friends to come along. But.. There are some words I'll never forget.. "Lose contact den lose contact loh.. I can always get new frens..".. My heart still hurts damn bad n my throat still blocks (dat's when I'm feeling damn sad.. anione experienced dat feeling before?) whenever I tink of dat.. Even right now..

I'll write abt my past when I'm calm enuf to do so..